It wasn’t too hard to leave Texas for California in June 2014 (minus leaving my sister which always causes me pain). I knew I would see my parents and brother in a month or two on vacation and although I knew I would miss my friends, I would stay in contact with those that really cherished our friendship.

Mostly I was excited to begin my new adventure in California. Could I do it alone? Would the bright lights be welcoming toward me, a small-city Tejana?


(My father and I driving into LA after driving 24 hours straight.)

So imagine my surprise when yesterday, just two days until I had to return to LA, I began tearing up at the thought of leaving my family and friends to return to LA. I love LA but living there has given me a whole new ability to see Wichita Falls and my family and friends in a new light.

I now see that I grew up in a place with immense culture and people that make me feel welcome and happy. I never realized how much I enjoy spending time with my mom and her friends watching a Dallas Cowboys game or how great it makes me feel when my dad asks me to the movies. Its unbearable to think of leaving my sister again who hugged me at least 5 times entirely on her own during my time here (she hasn’t given anyone a hug in about a year until she gave my father one last month). I’ve had so much fun with my friends in a way that only can be done with them because they know all about my past.





I am excited for 2015 in LA because I feel some amazing opportunities brewing and I do miss my LA friends, but it is much more difficult for me to leave Wichita Falls this time. I appreciate this place more than I ever did before and the people who live here and the great feelings it stirs in me. It’s beautiful in its hominess and simplicity and love.

It makes me wonder about life. Is life better lived around family and friends from your hometown? Is it better lived searching the world and discovering  yourself? Is there supposed to be a balance? Am I wasting precious time I could have with my family? Am I on the right path?

It is difficult to answer these questions and I try to not overthink it or else wind up with a headache and a bout of depression.

However hard it is, I am glad I look at home in a new light now and that I appreciate the beauty of where I grew up.

But then again, tomorrow seems too near when you’re leaving family.

2 thoughts to “Tomorrow Seems Too Near: A New Appreciation

  • mguterson

    Alex, I think I know how you’re feeling. I’m back in my hometown right now too. And everybody knows me here. So much love and connection. I’ll be leaving for LA on Thursday, and it’s going to be hard. But since you asked, I’d have to say that leaving home is one of the best things you can do for yourself. You’ll return–home will be there. But busting out in a new strange place is the bravest learning experience you can give yourself. You’re doing a great job. I’m so impressed with you, every day. Love you, girl. xo mary

    • ConstantlySearching

      Thanks so much, Mary. I do agree with you. Leaving home has made me an amazing person and leaving home is the only thing that has made me appreciate home this much. Thanks so much for your support. Glad I have you in LA. 🙂


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