Flying over the southwest United States I realize that I am returning to something I thought I had been constantly searching for for so long, although it had never moved.
I once read in an astrology book that an Aries will wander for many years, searching for a place to call home. At first I thought this to be true. At 24 years old I have lived in three different states alone as an adult, (you could count Texas, my home state, where I lived with my parent for 18 yrs the 4th state). After 3 years of living somewhere I usually grow restless and find some way to move: new school, new job.
But only recently did I realize that the astrology book was wrong. I have not been searching for some place to call home because home has always remained in Wichita Falls, Texas, where my parents, my sister, my brother, my grandparents, my friends, my aunts, uncles, and cousins reside. It has never left. Only I did.
As I return home for the holidays, after being gone for 6 months, I realize that I never have to search for home. For weeks now my mouth has been salivating at the thought of my mothers cooking, or from a burrito from my favorite burrito shop, Sevis. I have been anticipating the reunion hug that I hope my sister will give when she sees me and dreaming about our dog, Rocky, jumping in excitement. Lately, I have been irritated with friends, coworkers, strangers even, for no reason except that I was desperately missing home and taking my frustrations out on others. And for weeks, I have been playing ridiculous reunions full of tears and happiness and booze and dallas cowboys games in my head, usually distracting me from work or sleep.
My incessant desire to search for new places to live is thus not directly related to my search for a home. (I need a new diagnosis amateur psychologists!)
I love my life at this moment but I also miss home. More importantly, I realize that I am not searching for home. One day, I will create a home for me and a special somebody. And there it is! The answer all along, my friends. A home can’t be found–it can only be created!
And one amazing day, like today, it can be returned to.
And I can go on with my life, constantly searching…