The flight I take from Dallas/Fort Worth to LAX after the Christmas holidays is packed. I reveled in my luck because I was able to switch from a center seat to an aisle seat. Score for me! Or so I had thought…

So here’s the story…I’m sitting next to two guys who appear seemingly normal if not a bit nerdy (but I am too; nerds rule!). However, an hour into my flight I begun to notice the guy sitting next to me is fidgeting quite a bit. If only he had been fidgeting… Rather than fidgeting, my neighbor is adjusting and/or scratching his crotch! This is not a joke. He then proceeds to continually do this for the next hour, every 5-10 minutes or so.


As you can imagine, I was quite uncomfortable, so much in fact that I found myself practically sitting in the aisle of the plane (which seemed to encourage him to spread out). So rather than be upset, I decided to use this negative experience to help others.

Here are the 10 things you should NEVER do on a plane and/or in an airport:

1. Adjust/Scratch/Touch Your Private Areas: Why? Because it is socially unacceptable, especially in the close proximities of an airplane. It makes others uncomfortable.  Go to the bathroom or prepare for uncomfortable itching with an over-the-counter cream.


2. Fall asleep on a stranger:
No one wants your drool on their shoulder. Despite the minimum space on a plane it IS possible to not touch someone on a flight.

3. Take a call on a plane:
During my flight to Texas a man was talking on his cell phone during the flight. A stewardess told him to get off of his phone and his excuse for being on it was that “someone called him.” That is not an excuse! Every technological device you use on a plane should be on airplane mode. I don’t think anyone will accept “because someone called me” if you cause the plane to crash.


4. Let your child act like a heathen:
My biggest nightmare is sitting in front of a child. Why, you ask. Because some parents allow their children to act like heathens on plane rides! I understand you’re tired from dragging your children onto a plane but it is extremely rude to allow your child to continually kick or hit the seat of the person in front of them. Pray that it is not me in that seat because I will turn around and make you aware of the situation. (And don’t let them run up and down the aisle– come on, folks!)

5. Freeze everyone to death:
Granted a plane can get stuffy and hot, but that doesn’t give you the right to make others freeze to death. Wear less clothes if you are more naturally inclined to get hot. Those tiny A/C knobs above your head are not yours to control and be the god of plane temperature. You get one knob. Just one.


6. Say or do discriminatory things:
This isn’t the 60’s nor even the early 00’s. Discrimination is wrong. Refrain from “being ugly” (as we say in Texas) to others that may be different from you. Stop assuming people are terrorists based off their cultural or ethnic background. And it’s not okay to say homophobic things in an airport. This guy in a Texas airport found that out the hard way. Don’t mess, in Texas or elsewhere.

7. Force your reclining chair on someone else’s knees:
You want to relax on a plane ride, totally understandable! However, not everyone is made to fit the airlines’s seat measurements. Some people are taller or larger than others and if you happen to be sitting in front of one of these individuals it is quite impolite to force your seat into recline, thus hitting their knees. So you can’t recline your seat–too bad. Book a better seat in first class. Don’t make someone uncomfortable for your own personal comfort (Selfish).


8. Be loud on an overnight flight:
Turn your music down (even on your headphones), refrain from opening overhead bins every 10 minutes, talking or laughing above a whisper, or make any other disturbing noises on an overnight flight. Nighttime equals rest for the average person–respect that. Wake a cranky sleeper and you might suffer some very ugly consequences.

9. Make jokes about the plane crashing:
Many people suffer from a fear of flying. And why shouldn’t they be scared? How can this big metal thing stay in the air with all those people?! It’s magic, I tell you! It is extremely rude to tease your travel companions about this on a plane or in an airport because it may cause the anxiety of those around you to rise as well. Just keep your mouth shut on that topic until you find yourself in the comforts of your own home or far far away from the airport.


10. Be without compassion:
Traveling is stressful for everyone but for some it is more stressful. Those traveling who are disabled or have children are just a few examples. Some might be traveling home after receiving bad or sad news. Some are being shipped overseas on deployment. Try to be compassionate when traveling. Offer help to someone if it obvious they need assistance. Don’t push people to rush while boarding or unboarding. Don’t be rude to your stewards or stewardesses (it is not an easy job). Allow those sitting in the window seat to go to the bathroom without your grumbling (some of us have small bladders we can’t control). Treat others how you want to be treated.

Although I provided 10 things to never do on a plane or in an airport, keep in mind that there are many others. Here are just a few I left out: sneeze on others, get on a plane when you know you are sick with something contagious, take too much time in the bathroom, impose your bad hygiene on others, climb over others to get an IG pic of the city below, etc.

You get the idea.

Don’t be the guy who adjusts his crotch repeatedly on a plane. You might inspire a blog.

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